Being Competitive and Being a Trauma Survivor
Upfront and personal; being a Trauma SURVIVOR.
Being competitive can be a wonderful trait if you are competitive in positive ways. My Children are great athletes and loved to compete in soccer, lacrosse, tennis and track. (I still hope they do). My Children also studied hard and were great students and even tutored others; trying to help others become great students.
They did not hold others back so they could always be the best; they enriched others and were enriched too by helping others.
For example, my oldest Son ran the math lab which tutored fellow students in math and by doing so, he learned many important lessons.
When we moved to California, my athletic Daughter was a great lacrosse player like my Sons but they did not have girls lacrosse teams yet, so my Daughter played on her brother’s team. She had a pink ribbon on her helmet so we could tell it was her and many mothers and others cheered for her. She had her own cheering section and we were proud of her for not giving up on playing a sport she loved and using her resources to figure out how to continue to play.
My youngest Son was also very positive about having his Sister play on his team. He was known and I still hope he is, for having a great attitude, perspective and sense of humor.
He was very WISE BEYOND HIS YEARS and was very resourceful. He used to practice doing things with his left hand so he could become ambidextrous which would make him more competitive in tennis and other sports. He used to play ping-pong with his left hand and was very good too.
He is a fabulous athlete in many sports and also a good student too like his brother and sister.
***All of my Children were kind and honest and known for having beautiful Character which is very, very important because this is the ESSENCE of your being.
I have been surrounded by competitive people all my life.
My father was very competitive in business but took it to a negative extreme.
MONEY AND POWER became so important to him and he COULD NEVER HAVE ENOUGH.
So, he immorally and fraudulently used me and others to help him accumulate more and more money.
This is why I had to sue him and my mother and sister for refusing to rectify the harms they caused by using my social security number to set up a fraudulent grantor trust. He needed this fraudulent trust so he could have more money and power, so he thought.
He and my mother and sister also thought I could never mount a defense against them and all their money and power.
As I have been told professionally; my mother and sister have cognitive dissonance, because they still, to this day, refuse to see the truth and think they were right.
My mother and father thought because I was their daughter they could treat me like their property and do what they wanted with me including using my social security number for illegal purposes.
This is SLAVERY.
My sister bought this rap or this immoral philosophy. My parents did not care that they were violating the law because they thought they were so powerful and had so much money that they could control the lawyers and judges and my sister went right along.
My parents made up the laws to suit themselves and everyone had to be their slave or they would try to harm you.
My parents and sister refused to see the error of their ways and you could not reason with them as I and others tried.
My father died many years ago but my mother and sister still live thinking they must always be right and will alienate anyone who tries to question them; like me. This is when being competitive becomes a detrimental characteristic and not a positive one.
When someone is so competitive that they think they must ALWAYS be right and can NEVER have enough money and power; they can’t even enjoy life because they can’t even relax.
They are so worried ALL THE TIME that someone will have more money than them or more power than them that they constantly live life in a rat race, using and abusing anyone who stands in their way of obtaining more money and power.
They are NEVER SATISFIED and can never have enough.
It is a real shame because often people like this have great capabilities and can make many positive accomplishments but; they have become their own worst enemy as many classic authors and others have written about.
Eventually, all of my father’s lies and schemes caught up with him and he died of a heart attack; leaving all of his money behind and many people had lost respect for him too because they knew the truth. He was just so CAUGHT UP in his lies and schemes and unquenchable thirst for money and power that he could not see how he was honestly viewed by others.
He was delusional and believed his own lies and stories about himself. He became a REVISIONIST, inventing stories to make himself look good; but it was a bunch of lies.
To make matters worse, when you travel in a world with people who also have an unquenchable thirst for money and power, it even makes it harder to see the truth of how you are viewed outside your little circle in this global world.
My father traveled in a world with automobile dealers and they were always trying to outdo each other with big parties, trips, dinners and other ostentatious events where their wife and children had to be in the most expensive outfits with jewels and furs and of course drive the hottest cars. One year my mother bought a purple winter coat and had a purple car to match. I can tell you many stories that will make you cringe. Someone told me when the television show “Dallas” was popular, that I did not have to watch it because I had my own Dallas in my family. They were correct.
So why am I different?
I am very grateful I have a heart, soul and mind and CARE about the well being of others and try to HELP them not harm them. I realized that there is so much more to life than money and power and trying to IMPRESS OTHERS. I just wanted to be happy with MYSELF and my own accomplishments and character. I didn’t care about what these sick money and power crazy people thought because I realized how immoral and dishonest they were repeatedly. This was their WAY OF LIFE.
I also think that as a child, teen and young adult since I knew what it felt like to have my feelings purposefully ignored, I knew I could NEVER treat others this way.
As I was told in therapy, I am a trauma SURVIVOR.
I took great pride in raising my Children as their full time caregiver, instilling many important values like kindness, honesty and compassion.
Just like me I know they will each be a trauma SURVIVOR because I raised them to have an iron will and with attitudes of honesty, morality and justice while being resourceful and competitive in a healthy, fun way.
***Being competitive is a beautiful quality to have if you are competitive in positive ways which do not harm others but ENRICH them so they can reach their beautiful potential and also be happy and fulfilled as an INDIVIDUAL; so they are reasonably proud of the person they have chosen to become.
I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become. –Carl Jung
-By Sara Hassman, Parental Alienation Solutions, Founder;www.PAlienation.org