Don’t ALLOW Yourself to be Controlled
Don’t ALLOW yourself to be controlled; instead LEARN how to be truly happy without all of their lies and aggravation and be glad to be away from them.
TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE.
If you have some unhealthy relationships with family members or a significant other; are an alienated parent or alienated child, I think you may find this article helpful.
1. It is important to build a strong, healthy foundation for your new or next chapter in life.First, it is important to STAY LOVING and learn to ACCEPT the fact that some people will have very harmful behaviors and it is best to stay away from them. Please, do not waste your time or precious energy thinking they will change because they won’t. Many psychologists and other experts have shown that very few people who have unhealthy behaviors, especially narcissists, rarely change. (Dr. Linet http://www.youtube.com/watch?
These people could change if they wanted to but that’s the problem, most don’t want to because to do this they have to address issues from their past that are causing them to behave in these very destructive ways and they don’t want to go through this pain. They are WEAK COWARDS.
For example, I know of a father whose parents divorced and he along with his brother and sister were alienated from their father for years. He has now alienated his children from their mother since he never addressed this issue effectively, if at all.
IN SUMMARY- I am stressing…please do not expect others to ever change because you are only setting yourself up for disappointment.
2. Once you truly understand that only YOU can change yourself and your perspectives then you are on the road to being happy again.
I mean this because I know this is not easy; you must take care of yourself and preserve your precious energy to help yourself and those who DESERVE your kindness, love, appreciation and energy.
Stop trying to help those who are so rude and disrespectful to you; just go on with your own life and they can always contact you or watch your actions as you set a beautiful example for them to follow if they ever decide to care.
Once you do this, you will realize how much better YOU feel because you have just unloaded a lot of heavy baggage from your shoulders. Just go on finding new meanings in life by doing things you enjoy with people who are kind and caring; like yourself.
One thing several professionals have recommended; if you are an alienated parent and your children have not blocked your emails and you know their phone number; just email or call them every week or so and tell them
- something fun you did
- and also that you love them, this is not their fault, you are doing fine and are here for them if they ever want to have any peaceful, respectful communications.
3. Do not be JUDGMENTAL; instead be DISCERNING.
When a person is JUDGMENTAL they are putting their values and ideas above another’s which leads to narcissism.
Judgmental people are not embracing new ideas or perspectives and usually are not even open to a respectful discussion and will ignore you, cut you off and be very disrespectful.
Judgmental people usually do not come out of their comfort zones because they have never LEARNED how to respect others who have differing ideas even though they think and say they do. Their actions show quite the contrary. Consequently, Judgmental people surround themselves in their little world with those like them who they can control; in their workplace and socially.
This sick need to control is also the reason millions of abused, alienated children are suffering from parental alienation syndrome. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXwIbsSRFrU
- For alienated parents, this is where we have to wait for our children to decide if they ever want to stop being judgmental and controlled and instead CHOOSE to learn to embrace new ideas and perspectives and even have a peaceful conversation with us. Sometimes because of financial constraints, they feel the need to allow themselves to be controlled by their sick alienating parent.
None of this is the alienated child’s fault but they should hopefully wake up and want to see the truth and experience freedom. But, for your wellbeing, don’t hold your breath waiting; just go on having fun creating new meanings for yourself with emotionally healthy people. If they ever wake up and want to be kind and respectful, then you can welcome them into your life with open arms and a lot of love at that time. But now, realize, in their current brainwashed state, they would only be very toxic to you and make you sick again.
- Also please note, Narcissists, who are also Judgmental people, thrive on control and will lie and scheme and do whatever it takes to control others since they also lack empathy. It has been shown that abusive, alienating parents are narcissists. http://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=vX1xhykFhyI And http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pr6v-o-yKBM
On the other hand, when a person is DISCERNING they show insight and understanding of another’s behavior.
They watch and become aware of how a person behaves and treats those around them and then decides whether they want to welcome that person with that behavior into their own life.
A discerning person is not trying to change anyone. A discerning person has set boundaries in their life.
For example, a discerning person will not allow others to talk with disrespect or treat them in an abusive way. Will not allow a person with these behavior into their life.
A discerning person has self-respect and will only allow others into his or her life who will abide by these boundaries which is what a healthy emotional relationship is all about. http://psych.ly/1aa2dge
4. Life with emotionally healthy people is not a popularity contest but is about truth and reality. Anyone can pretend to have a certain character and fool many; but God knows the truth. What YOU know is the truth is important, not what others have tried to make you out to be with their lies and evil schemes. Alienating parents, please remember this!!!
What some in this world think of you, if false and based on lies, so what. Eventually the truth will come out, but even if it doesn’t, you and God know the truth which is ALL that is important.
5. Don’t EVER believe anyone if they tell you that you must have done something wrong to deserve this.
First, many bad things happen to good people because this is the way to extract us from a situation or people who are toxic and very unhealthy for us. It is better for us to find new relationships and move away from these people in life.
Just think back in your own life; I am sure there were challenges that you bravely faced and today, when you look back you are so glad you did. I am sure you look at those who chose not to bravely face the challenge that you did and you are so glad you are not like them today.
IN SUMMARY; embrace your challenges since they are blessings because something beautiful is waiting on the other side once you overcome the challenge.
I and others I know can say this with experience. We are truly lucky to have these challenges. To clarify this point; aren’t you so much happier and healthier now that you are divorced and out of that toxic environment?
6. Keep in mind that people do make mistakes and if they truly embrace change then welcome it but test it too. Make sure it is sincere before you ever rely on this person for ANYTHING. You do not want to make yourself vulnerable to their destructive ways if they are just pretending or have some ulterior motive:http://www.palienation.org/forgiveness-how-do-we-know-when-we-can-truly-forgive/
7. Lastly, remember things happen FOR us not TO us. We are very lucky to be presented with our challenges as this helps make us a stronger, healthier person and enables us to help others in our society who chose to embrace positive changes.
Together, we can help make our world a better place and what can be more beautiful than that.
Just forget about those who want to lie, cheat, scheme and bully and pretend to be good people when they are truly EVIL. It is not our place to punish them.
It is our place to keep moving forward with the skills God gave us to use our energy helping others and our society so we reach our potential.
-By Sara Hassman, Parental Alienation Solutions, Founder www.PAliention.org