Forgiveness; How Do We Know When We Can Truly Forgive?


“I know that there is no one so righteous that they have not wronged another, financially or physically, through deed or speech. This pains my heart within me, because wrongs between humans and their fellow are not atoned by any holiday, until the wronged one is appeased.”

“Thus the “reward” for forgiving others is not God’s forgiveness for wrongs done to others, but rather help in obtaining forgiveness from the other person.”

How do we forgive a parent who has mentally abused a child or young adult using parental alienation strategies or a person who has aided this parent?

Aiding a parent includes those who have intentionally looked the other way, knowing the child or young adult was being ripped from the loving arms of their parent as the sacred parent/child bond was being broken. Worse, many of those who looked the other way received financial or other benefits at the expense of harming the psychological and physical health of this innocent child or young adult and loving parent.

This is very evil so how can we forgive?

How do we know this once evil person will not change back and become evil again?

 Alienating parents are liars and manipulators as are those who aid them; they are smooth operators. Remember those who aid alienating parents are smooth operators too. Like politicians, often try to sell forgiveness; have angel eyes and a cold heart. Be cautious and see what they DO consistently.

There is no concrete answer but I have always found that although one may lie, his or her behaviors do not lie over a period of time; they can only act or pretend for so long. Look at how they treat others.

 I hope all of us have the opportunity to decide whether we can truly forgive an alienating parent or a person who has aided him or her. The Judge I clerked for taught me to cautiously and slowly give people the benefit of the doubt with your eyes and ears wide open.

 Hurt people, hurt people so also maybe if we can show these alienators kindness they will begin to understand that when you walk in gratitude you will live in grace. So many alienating parents and those who aid them have to “win” as they continue to lie and manipulate.

Very few alienating parents and those who aid them can ever change. They deprive themselves of every knowing the beauty of love and peace.

 Thus, they will truly appreciate our hand we extended to them as a positive gesture in hopes of a positive change. Maybe this will encourage them to develop new habits and behaviors; not change back but transform and even help others transform. We can only hope as we keep moving forward trying to bring freedom to those suffering from the mental abuse of Parental Alienation.

Forgiveness doesn’t justify what was done to you. It helps you realize you must move forward since this person(s), even if this is our child, will only bring you down. No matter how difficult our pain is sometimes, when you step away from it & find others to share/help, you will automatically rise above it. Sometimes we are pushed to go beyond our limitations to teach us what our true potential really is. This is good; so embrace your challenges. I know it is often difficult to have faith but we must for both our’s and our children’s sake as we try to make society aware of the abuse of Parental Alienation. This will heal us too and hopefully awaken our brainwashed, abused children.

-by Sara Hassman, Parental Alienation Solutions, Founder,


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