I Just Want to Understand, not Blame Anyone

On Wednesday, tomorrow, at my hearing, I am looking for answers, not to blame anyone. Judge Claudia Silbar is obviously a very bright woman, as the Judge I clerked for was also very intelligent. I know being a Judge is difficult and they are looking for answers too so they can objectively apply the law which is in best interest of the parties and our society, which includes divorced Women and their Children.

This is why I am confident Judge Claudia Silbar will help me UNDERSTAND were all the millions of dollars of my savings, retirement and investments DISAPPEARED TO and if this has something to do with why my Children suddenly CHOSE to alienate me at the time of the divorce and then SUBJECT THEMSELVES to abusive conditions including those at a California boarding high school and then forced to pay over $500 month for the household expenses of their father and new wife even though they live away at college and have their own expenses to pay including thousands of dollars of student loans.

Why didn’t they contact me to try to help them?
Does this have something to do with what appears to be the Student Loan Ponzi Scheme and the 501(c)(3) agreements and other agreements my ex-husband made with religious leaders and a non-profit California boarding high school?

Does this also have something to do with why my youngest Son, a minor at the time, was abused at the California boarding high school, my Daughter who was very health conscious and a great athlete around the time of the divorce gained a lot a weight so that even her doctors were concerned?

Why do all of my Children refuse to have a civil discussion so we can understand the reason for this alienation, these other issues and work on resolving them?

                   Isn’t this what a reasonable Loving Mother and Father should encourage their teen and young adult Children to do; not ignore their pain or alienate them from their Loving Mother who helped then thrive in many ways until the time of the divorce when she was suddenly alienated from their life for no rational reason? I was having seizures and trying to cope with this situation but; that is no reason to alienate me. This is a time to show love and support because this is what a kind and caring family does.

I am just looking to UNDERSTAND the truth and answer these questions and I am hopeful Judge Claudia Silbar does too because this is reasonable. I want to help my Children and receive my savings, retirement and other property which will enable me to help my Children.

Is this why my ex-husband has concealed my savings, retirement and other property from me; so I cannot help my Children and he can continue to undermine, abuse and brainwash them for his benefit? I do not want to blame anyone, I just want to figure out where all my savings, retirement, investments and other property went so I can RECEIVE IT since in a divorce the property the spouses acquired during the marriage is required to be divided 50/50, which is reasonable and also the law.

Then once I receive my property, I can help my Children and myself and the divorce can be completed and finalized.
I also want to UNDERSTAND why my ex-husband, who is a very capable Certified Public Accountant and Chief Financial Officer who spearheaded the Jiffy Lube International, Inc. Initial Public Offering has been lying and swearing he is ‘insolvent,” when he knows or should know he is not?

Is he just moving the money around so he can run what appears to be his Student Loan Ponzi Scheme so he can qualify for Federal Student Loans based on need?

Also if he lies and moves the money around to try and show he is insolvent he can avoid paying me spousal support and instead can use the money for himself and his new wife, as he has done?

Since swearing he is insolvent, documents show my ex-husband bought himself a new Lexus and has been paying for his wife’s new Lexus, he has been traveling and paying for expenses which reasonable people would consider luxuries especially for an insolvent person.

My ex-husband KNOWS the recession did not negatively affect his financial situation as his comment was published in the Harvard Business School alumni magazine: “The recession leaves little room to make excuses about lack of time to work out. I’ve got a sprint event on Catalina Island soon”

Even forensic accountants determined more discovery is needed to confirm what appears to be other sources of income of my ex-husband which seems to be apparent based on tax returns, other documents and his lifestyle which they reviewed. Their letter is part of the court file. As a reasonable person, I want to UNDERSTAND these issues and why my ex-husband has done these things with the help of others like Family Law Firms, Trusts and Estates Law Firms, a 401K Plan Administrator, Joint Venture Partners, School Administrators, Religious Leaders and Organizations, an Accounting Firm, a court appointed Therapist, his new wife and others. ***Also, I know my Children would NEVER all of a sudden around the time of the divorce cuss at me, alienate me, write disrespectful emails and give me unreasonable ultimatums if they weren’t being undermined, threatened, bribed or brainwashed. I know they would also want me to attend their graduations, college parents’ weekend and celebrate the holidays and their birthdays with them if they weren’t being undermined, threatened, bribed or brainwashed.

So why are they being undermined, threatened, bribed or brainwashed?
Is it because my ex-husband knows I will reasonably explain choices they have so they don’t have to take out an abundance of student loans and don’t have to tolerate abusive situations as a loving, moral and caring Mother should explain?

I also want to understand the PURPOSE OF THESE RESTRAINING ORDERS my ex-husband and his new wife have against me since I have been deprived of attending my Children’s graduations, parents’ weekend at college and other events because they are there.
What sense is this since I have had a clean record my entire life and nurtured my Children so they made many accomplishments and had wonderful values (and hopefully still do)?

My Children were (and hopefully still are) moral, kind and reasonable people with many hobbies and interests and were in great health when I was part of their life?

Why do my ex-husband and his new wife want to deprive my Children and me of our companionship so we are unable to continue enriching each other’s life as a Mother and her Children of all ages should be encouraged to do?
They even told Dr. Phil on National television they were in favor of our reunification; but, these restraining orders do not allow me to celebrate with my Children their milestones, so why not rescind them?

Blaming others instead of focusing and reasonably addressing the issue in a moral, reasonable and legal manner is what angry people who are often corrupt do; they love to blame and blame and never address the truth. They want to conceal the truth. Reasonable, moral, honest, kind and compassionate people work together to try to HELP a loving Mother and her Children at the time of divorce; not rip them apart from each other, financially and emotionally devastate them and keep her money and property for themselves as they abuse the Children in many ways and teach them immoral and corrupt behaviors.

This keeps the CYCLE OF COMPLAINING and ABUSE alive instead of addressing the problems in a reasonable manner without blaming anyone and without acts of intimidation. ***If you EMBRACE your challenges not blaming others but taking CONTROL of your issues and resolving them in a moral and reasonable way; they SHAPE you and do not scar you. Facing your challenges which includes UNDERSTANDING THE TRUTH makes you stronger and wiser. ***This is what I hope to do on Wednesday, tomorrow at the hearing with Judge Claudia Silbar’s help; I just want to UNDERSTAND what happened to my retirement, savings, investments and other property, why my Children did and still want to alienate me from their life and why there are restraining orders against me.

I do not want to blame anyone, I just want answers and I am sure Judge Claudia Silbar does too because the Judge I clerked would have wanted answers to these questions and I know both of them are very intelligent because to become a Judge intelligence is a requirement.

With understanding comes a positive change so I really hope I am given the ability to do discovery so I can understand and also have my spousal support reinstated since it clearly appears my ex-husband is not insolvent and has the ability to pay it as the law demands for the Loving Mother who nurtured their Children and also promoted his career while putting her own on hold.

-By Sara Hassman, Parental Alienation Solutions, Founder; www.PAlienation.org

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