Some Parents only Love You if they can CONTROL you; as the classic novel “The Chosen” shows.
*** They do not love their children; they only love to CONTROL their children. Thus, parents like this will only love you WHILE YOU SING THEIR SONG AND AGREE WITH THEM.
If you ever disagree with them; even in ways which will grow and expand your knowledge and life in positive, enriching ways; they will ridicule and often disown you.
This is THEIR problem; not yours because they are filled with so much “shame” that they have to be in charge and do not know how to accept the positive, peaceful and enriching ideas of others because THEY have to be the best in everything.
***They never learned how to collaborate and how to find enjoyment in blending others talents and skills with their own. This is their problem; not yours because healthy people are ALWAYS open to new, enriching ideas that will improve a situation, make someone happy or make someone feel special and worthwhile doing what THEY have chosen; not something chosen for them.
In the classic novel “The Chosen” by Chaim Potok, there are many themes. One theme that appears to me is how parents can create an evil Collectivist family so if their child wants to enrich himself or herself with different, positive perspectives and learn new positive ideas; they will ridicule and disown the child.
To me it is a classic story of narcissism, collectivism and how a young adult gains STRENGTH and GROWS in many positive ways from having to confront his parents’ detrimental Collectivist ideas; develop his OWN positive but different ideology and choose to live a life that represents HIS positive ideology instead of selling his soul and living the life HIS PARENTS want him to live.
So, no matter how old you are; don’t be afraid to live the life YOU want to lead; providing it is a positive one that gives you positive purposes in life and does not harm others. If others don’t agree with you; even your own parents, that is THEIR problem, not yours.
You have the RIGHT to choose the life YOU want to lead, just like your parents chose their own life too. They have no right to tell you how to live YOUR life so don’t allow them to. Stand up for your rights and live the positive life YOU want to lead.
If you try a career and that doesn’t work out; then just try another one.
Be flexible and learn from all your experiences, those of others, books and many other resources.
You have the world at your fingertips so don’t let anyone dictate to you how you MUST live to please them. That doesn’t mean you disregard the advice of those you respect but; it is YOUR decision as to how you weigh all the information and decide the positive career or other decisions you need to make.
This is what learning to be an Independent, Responsible, and Mature adult involves. It is wonderful, fun and challenging.
***So never feel sorry for yourself; be grateful for an enriching experience that forced you to develop your ideology and choose the values you want to have in your life; making you aware of the values of those you want to share your life with too.
This is a beautiful experience even if it involves some challenges.
Know that your loving Mother (father) is always there for you too.
-By Sara Hassman, Parental Alienation Solutions, Founder; www.PAlienation.org