There are Two Types of Partners Adults Generally Seek
Either they are looking for a partner who will keep them in a state of comfort; not caring where the money comes from or if abusive, controversial or illegal means are used to obtain the money.
All they care about is maintaining their comfort no matter what.
If a man is more of the breadwinner and is seeking this type of relationship; he is generally looking for arm candy who just wants to be kept in a state of comfort; not caring if he has affairs or betrays her trust in other ways.
Basically, people in this type of relationship are interested in their “image,” not reality.
They also want to play the game of pretending to be happy in their “comfortable,” life when they are truly miserable because they are not truthful to themselves and are full of shame due to all the harm they have caused others.
They also lack self esteem due to all their shame and harm they have caused and are afraid to try new things and come out of their comfort zone.
Herman Hesse discusses this is his classic novel “Steppenwolf” and Oscar Wilde in his classic novel “The Picture of Dorian Gray.”
On the other hand, those who are not seeking this type of partner generally want a partner to WORK TOGETHER & GROW TOGETHER with them, each sharing their special, individual skills, talents and experiences to make great accomplishments and help each other reach their beautiful potentials.
—One accomplishment for a young couple could be to work and save money and then raise a family where the children have good values and character, have self esteem, are happy and are open minded to learning many things, using their potential and being resourceful and supportive of each other.
This is how I raised my children as their full time caregiver for about 18 years.
Unfortunately, for the past 6 years my ex and his new wife have tried to change this with their acts of parental alienation which I know is common to millions of parental alienation situations.
***The Parental Alienation is not the children’s fault at all; they have been used and abused like millions of us alienated parents. Parental Alienation is such horrible emotional torture and terror for both the loving alienated parent and the children; and the children are not to be blamed but loved.
I am confident my very smart and resourceful children and millions like them will figure out the truth and know how much their alienated Mother (Father) loves them.They will also understand that they have been told many lies due to some selfish scheme of the alienating parent; maybe involving child support, student loans or other tax and financial benefits. I am also confident they will grow from this experience so it shapes them and does not scar them.
People can teach you what to do as well as what NOT to do.
Also, as Carl Jung said; “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.
—Another accomplishment for those who want a partner to work together with them, each sharing their special, individual skills, talents and experiences may be to start a business together or work on making important social changes; maybe bringing awareness to issues like parental alienation so policies and laws can be changed to discourage this emotional torture and terror and punish those who commit it.
—Maybe one partner wants to write a book or poetry and the other partner can help them publish it and plan some book signing events and other appearances.
Partners like this want to be comfortable and have fun too but; they are not interested in pretending to be someone they are not as their positive attitudes and behaviors speak for themselves and they do not want any pretend image. They also seek respect, honesty, kindness and love consistently and are not interested in anyone who wants to betray their trust.
They civilly and respectfully discuss their differences and work them out together; agreeing to disagree on those issues that are not the essence of their being. (Never allow another to be disrespectful to you because this is abuse. You deserve respect!!!)
***Respect, kindness, honesty and a willingness to understand must exist in any healthy relationship.
Couples like this want the wonderful feeling of knowing that even when they are not together they are thinking of each other, trusting each other and looking forward to being together later. Also, thinking of some fun surprises they prepared that will make their partner happy.
People in this type of relationship want to help each other GROW TOGETHER and make worthwhile accomplishments; not hold them back because they want to be the best or because they are sexist. That is not to say that one partner may be more responsible for the daily finances and the other for the daily cooking but; it is TEAMWORK done with honesty, not deception.
In Judaism, couples are believed to form a new being; 2 individuals come together and form one new special being.
It is like one plus one equals three.
As a couple, the perspective of each individual changes as now their focus is on what is in the best interest of the union, the couple; not the individual.
***This is a beautiful transformation and when made consistently for many years; this is love and also how love grows stronger every day.
-By Sara Hassman, Parental Alienation Solutions, Founder; www.PAlienation.org